What irks me the most is not being able to know my future. How I will end up. It’s a risk. A gamble that you have to take that will either give you the best or the worst. That’s scary. Sometimes, I want to hide from making that choice. To run away and never come back. But, I realize hiding won’t solve anything. It’ll just delay my decisions, but maybe I want that. Maybe I can delay them far enough that I could die without the choices. But then they’d be on my mind constantly and I don’t want to live a fearful life, a life running away. It would be easier if I could get the answers to those decisions quickly and easily. But that’s never the case. The biggest choice of your life never comes to you. Or maybe it does, but we just don’t see it until we hunt for it. The thing with me is that I’m trying to hunt for it, I’ve been hunting for a while, but I still can’t seem to find it. Why? Why can’t I find it when I’ve been looking for it for so long? Maybe it isn’t time for me to know. But I wish it was, because it’d make everything easier. But no. That’s not how it works.
